Good evening, and welcome to the Department of Ticket Creation and Other Various Forms of Digital Self-Flagellation. Today, we'll be examining the proper procedure for documenting that your colleague Bob's coffee machine is making suspicious noises during the quarterly planning meeting.
The Official Procedure (As Decreed by The Ministry)
First, you'll need: * One (1) degree in Mechanical Engineering * Three (3) productivity certifications * A sacred ritual circle made of sticky notes * Your grandmother's secret cookie recipe * A small goat (optional, but recommended)
The Creation Ceremony
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Begin by logging into your seventeen different productivity tools, each requiring a different variation of your password that includes your pet's middle name and your favorite medieval monarch.
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Navigate through the labyrinthine maze of dropdown menus, each more cryptic than the last. If you hear distant screaming, you're on the right track.
The Sacred Dropdown Selection
"What type of ticket is this?" asks the system, presenting you with options including: * Epic (For tasks of heroic proportions) * Story (For tasks that begin with "Once upon a time") * Bug (For when things go wrong) * Feature (For when things go wrong, but we're calling it innovation) * Whatever-Bob-Called-It-In-The-Meeting (Self-explanatory)
The Description Paradox
Now comes the truly challenging part - describing the issue in a way that simultaneously: * Makes sense to humans * Appeases the AI overlords * Doesn't offend the ancient gods of JIRA * Can be understood by that one colleague who still thinks email is cutting-edge technology
The Final Trial
Upon clicking "Submit," you'll be presented with a series of increasingly absurd validation errors, each more mystifying than the last. Legend has it that no ticket has ever been created on the first try, and those who claim otherwise are clearly agents of chaos.
And now for something completely different: Your coffee has gone cold again, and somewhere, an agile coach is weeping.